SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER: MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

 (a poem about depression)

Darkness overwhelms me

All the things I have done

And it has come to this

I empty the pills onto the bed

And count them

One bad memory…two bad memories…three bad memories

I feel a sudden sense of emptiness

An empty shell waiting to die

I pick up the bottle of whisky

And one-by-one I swallow the pills

I lie on the bed

Waiting for sleep to overcome me

“Hello darkness my old friend”

I wake up

Still alive

I run to the bathroom full of nausea

I throw up

Expelling the evil from my body

I am in a strange state

Still drowsy

My home has lost its meaning

Back to bed

I sleep off the rest of the day

When I wake I still fill nauseous

I am sick again

Still throwing up even when there is nothing there

Back to sleep

Eventually I wake

I try to eat

But nothing stays down for long

I drink water

I realise I have failed

Not for the first time

Always failing

So much potential gone to waste

Pills won’t do it

Something more drastic is required

But I will never do it

Some things are worse than this life

To be paralysed or to lose a limb

Life goes on…

“Hello darkness my old friend”

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